Day Twenty One: Relationship

Owen's poem

One of my midwives wrote this just a few hours after she delivered Owen. She brought it to us, along with flowers and postpartum supplies for me, the day after we got home from the hospital. When I saw the date, I realized she had gone home from a very long, emotionally difficult shift with me (I think 24 hours?) and devoted even more time to our grieving family by writing a poem to my son. It is one of the most beautiful things anyone has ever done for me. I’m not sure she realizes it, but by putting this on paper, she also helped me to have a reminder of Owen’s most special moments–I had no idea Owen reached for me as I reached for him, for instance.

There aren’t many people in my life who had a tangible relationship with Owen. Many people know him through Zach and I, of course, and experienced his life before birth, but relatively few people ever met him. It’s pretty much just me, Zach, Anika, our parents, and some very close friends. We had a few nurses who I know were impacted by us, and I know they remember Owen, which means so much to me. There’s something special to me about knowing that Anika loved Owen and saw how special he was. I am so glad that the first hands that held him belonged to someone who could appreciate his beautiful, short life.

I’m  thankful for the relationships I’ve formed with my midwives through my pregnancy and Owen’s life and death. Babyloss isn’t easy, but it is surely more bearable when there are other women there to support you. I am even more thankful for the relationship my midwives formed with my son. They protected our time with him and helped to honor his life, no matter how brief it was.

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2 thoughts on “Day Twenty One: Relationship

  1. oh, what a wonderful wonderful midwife. I love the poem. i love that she wrote it for you. there is something truly magical about a good relationship with your midwives through a challenging, worry/hope filled pregnancy. As a midwife, I needed to be midwifed myself and some of the things mine did for me- bringing me breast pads, sitting on my bed and looking a photos with me, taking a vacation with me (ok, that was also the friend midwife there)- were so very tender. and of course it is the midwives who have the honor of meeting your baby, when so few did, i understand that and they will forever be a testament to our babies’ lives.

  2. Oh, that poem just brought tears to my eyes. What a lovely midwife, and how clearly she saw and remembered your precious boy. My special people were the NICU nurses, but they also gave me such a gift by remembering my son with me and making sure I had as many ways as possible to remember him as time passed. I’m so happy you had Anika with you that day.

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