October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. I was vaguely aware of this prior to losing Owen since I worked in a NICU and talked to a handful of moms there who participated in various events. Now it’s my turn, I guess. I’ve decided to participate in the CarlyMarie Capture Your Grief Photo Challenge. Hopefully I’ll be able to keep up. I’m already behind by one day, so let’s just pretend I posted this yesterday!
My sunrise photo isn’t quite sunrise. I took it at my clinic after being at work for about an hour, but it’s a wonderful image of the sun coming through a really beautiful tree outside of my window so I’m going with it. Plus, I’m not a get up at sunrise kind of girl.
Sunrise is a time that is dear to me though. When Owen was dying, we were wheeled out of the the NICU (he was in my arms) and into a Labor & Delivery room with a wonderful view outside. The sun was rising over the hospital, and I was so happy that Owen got to experience sunlight. I haven’t been up at sunrise since that time. For the first month after he died, I would set my alarm for 3:08 am (the time of his birth) and go sit with his ashes and meditate on his life, but I never really felt compelled to reawaken at the time of his death. Because I associate Owen’s death with sunrise, I always feel like he is here with me a little more when I feel the sun warming my skin.